Monday, July 20, 2009

If

A good friend and I were walking a couple weeks ago, and she asked the one question no one will ask. She asked "if." Now "if" is quite possibly the most loaded word in the English language. There are so many things it can mean, but the greatest connotation is that it simply represents what may never be. In fact, if you look it up in the dictionary, the definition is full of uncertainty. Maybe that's why "if" is a word and a place I try to avoid.

As we walked, Amber asked if it's hard for me to be around my friends and their children. And the truth is yes. Yes it's hard to be around others' babies and see that they're progressing more quickly than Bear. Yes it's hard not to compare them to Bear. But I can't live in that place. I can't play the "if" game. What if Bear has health issues? What if Bear gets made fun of? What if Bear isn't able to walk or talk? Bear will always be around other kids and he'll never be the same as his peers, but if I begin to play the if game, I'll become a lonely and bitter woman.

Instead, Bear's teaching me to celebrate him in the moment and enjoy the blessing he is. The incredible love and joy that overflow my heart as a result of my little man far outweigh the fear of the "ifs" out there.
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