Love Unconditional

Lila Alta joined our family April 19, 2010 at 1:20 P.M. Unbelievably, she's as good of a baby as her big brother and is already all smiles and coos during her awake times. Big brother Bear has amazed me because everyone always talks about sibling rivalry and jealousy. Instead, this boy is nothing but LOVE. He wants nothing more than to touch and kiss his "sissy" as soon as he sees her. I swear that he was playing his own rendition of peek-a-boo with her the other day and even earned a smile from her in doing so.

I pray for their relationship to be so amazing. I know that he will love her so fiercly and I pray that she is the most compassionate, kind, and patient sister. But at the same time I want her to be a little firecracker who stands up for her big brother and is his champion and protector. Here are a few photos for your enjoyment.

Something to Make You Smile

My heart...My love...

Where Does Time Go?

Wow, it's been way too long since I've written. So much has happened in the last several months. I'm now 6 weeks away from DD (due date) with baby #2, and Bear has no idea how much life is going to change (actually, I don't think Mommy and Daddy do either). I've also started a business--Twysted Yarn--inspired by this little one I'm carrying. I'm crocheting and selling hats of all kinds.

But enough about that...what I'm learning from my little boy. I'm learning how to laugh harder than I thought possible. I can't believe what a ham he is. He picks up on everything and imitates all that we do: facial expressions, sounds, gestures. We laugh so hard and have so much joy in our home from our little man. Some of our favorite "tricks" are hippies (where he literally lays on the floor and does pelvic thrusts), chomps (where he stretches his mouth out real tight and chomps up and down), shake your booty (self explanatory), so big, "Where's Baby?" (where he pats, rubs, and kisses my belly), and so much more. Of course, he still sticks out his tongue and spits when he's being goofy or wants to get someone's attentiong (mainly Grandpa's since he knows how ornery grandpa is) and shakes his head like crazy to dance to music.

And all of that without crawling or walking or talking or reaching many of those developmental milestones that everyone expects him to achieve at this age. But really? How cute/fun are those things when he does all these others (and more) that I've listed? Milestones schmilestones. He'll get there in his own time and in his own way, no doubt entertaining us and making us laugh all the while.

What I've Learned in 2009

Happy New Year! I don't tend to make New Year's resolutions or get all sappy or reflective at the start of a new year. Instead I just try to live life fully every day so that I don't get to the end of a year and have regrets. In doing this, I've learned some pretty valuable things this year. Such as:
1. That family trumps all
2. That friends who value the same things as me are worth their weight in gold
3. How to fall more in love with my husband every day in light of him being an amazing father
4. That perfection is overrated
5. That all things happen in their own time; patience is a virtue
6. That being licked (kissed) all over the face by my child brings me joy
7. That health is far too often taken for granted
8. That good neighbors are irreplaceable
9. That people who are different deserve my respect
10. That my house can be messy and remain that way
11. That taking time out of my day for a phone call with someone is more important than my schedule
12. That my mom is an amazing woman
13. That tears at any time for any reason are ok
14. That tenderness, compassion, and kindness are the things we should value and praise in our children rather than their accomplishments
15. That the joy of the Lord cannot be replaced by any earthly thing

Quad Screen, Take 2

Today is the day before Thanksgiving. And I would be a selfish fool to think I have little to be thankful and grateful for. I'm 18 weeks pregnant with baby number two, and though the pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, we always wanted to have kids close in age, so we're ecstatic. However, as a mother of a child with Down syndrome, my risks for having another child with Down syndrome dramatically increase to 1 in 100 vs. the 1 in 800-something during my first pregnancy. So of course, it's been hard to breathe easily during these first 18 weeks as I awaited the Quad screen that reveals if there are increased levels indicating Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities.

We had the Quad screen done last Monday, and I thought that surely the results would have been in by now, so I called my nurse to find out and she was able to reveal that everything on the screen was negative, meaning I'm carrying a baby with 46 chromosomes. I don't know why I was so happy to receive the news. In fact, when I got off the phone with my nurse and called Dan to tell him, I started crying because I felt guilty and ashamed for being so relieved, mainly because I wouldn't change Bear for anything.

So as I said, today is the day before Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful for: a child with 47 chromosomes who is the most perfect gift, a child on the way with 46 chromosomes who will be a compassionate and courageous individual who fiercely loves and protects his/her big brother, and a husband who is the glue that holds us all together.

My Dearest Baby,

One year ago today, the most wonderful gift came into my life. You. Upon my first glance at you, I immediately felt my heart expand, and never could I have fathomed that it could hold so much love; I should have known then that you would continue to blow all expectations I could hold for myself or for you.

Twelve days after you were born, I received the scariest news I had ever heard: you had Down syndrome. I tried to be strong, to keep it together, but I couldn't hold back the flood of tears. I didn't know what all that meant. All I could think of was how you wouldn't be the child I had hoped for. I was so wrong.

Today, twelve months after that diagnosis, I find that I am the most blessed woman on this earth. There are no words to express the incredible love I feel for you or the joy that you bring to my life. You are the most joyful, pleasant baby I have ever laid eyes on. Your sweet spirit exudes from every part of you. Your eyes say it all--how much you love me, how happy you are, how much you want to bring that happiness to others. I cannot wait for the day that you can express that love and joy in words. Long before you were born or before I knew you had Down syndrome I prayed for a few specific things, one being that you would bring love and joy to this world, and the other being that you and your Daddy would be best friends. You are a constant reminder of God's faithfulness to answer prayers. Everyone who knows you is already so full of that love, and God answers my prayers over every day when new people learn that love.

My sweet, sweet baby love. Thank you for being the baby I never knew I needed, for changing your mama's heart and expectations. For bringing me the greatest love I've ever known. For teaching your Daddy and me to dream bigger dreams. Forgive me for thinking any differently, for being scared, for being ignorant. You are my baby of whom I am proud. You are my love. You are my life.

Love,
Mama

So Much Fun

So nothing deep this time, but I just want to record some things that I love and enjoy about my little boy. I can't begin to describe how much fun it is to be Bear's mom. He's doing the silliest things now--from shaking his head back and forth all the time, to waving hi and bye, to sticking out his tongue and spitting at things...all so fun. I find that I spend most of my day smiling and laughing at him. I thought parenting was supposed to be hard; on the contrary, this is the best job I've ever had.

The other thing I'm reminded of here recently is how grateful I am for his health. I just remember when we first received his diagnosis that I was reading Babies with Down Syndrome which has an entire chapter devoted to health concerns/issues for individuals w/ Down syndrome. I read several pages of the chapter one evening and just broke down sobbing thinking of all the things that could go wrong with my baby. I decided to put that book on the shelf and refer to it on an as needed basis instead. And you know, I've only referred to it for teething. Not for heart defects, G-tubes, hearing loss, sight loss, leukemia, etc. There's just so much to be grateful for. I am a woman richly blessed by the health, love, and joy of my little boy.